The Doctor is in...

This is not a post about Johnny Fever. 

Nor is it a post about basketball or The Muppets. 

(WKRP, Dr. J, Dr. Teeth? get it) Oh never mind, you have to be Gen X or older to really get these references-ask your mom. 

So,

This post is specific to another side of the tender-duty.
Let us put aside the practical nature of the career-the cleaning, the 12 hour shifts of pouring, the stocking, the polishing, the serving, the fruit cutting and overall preparation. 

Today we will talk about the second face of the craft. 

The bartender wisdom, the gift for polite and professional gab, and the therapy. 

Yes, I said it. Therapy. 

Any bar, any given late night-just before the ugly lights come on, shockingly-with an abrupt snap-is where all of the real doctorin' comes in. Only we charge the price of a cocktail, and not by the hour. 

Let me pour you a large glass of advice-on the rocks-every night. Fill er' up, Johnny, and leave a good tip...we're worth it. 

Bartenders are trusted more than most mental health professionals for many reasons. Bartenders typically have the "common man" persona, they also actively listen as a part of the job. Therpists tend to let a person drone on with a disingenuous occasional-"Hmmm...and how does that make you feel?"

Whereas, a tender actually focuses in on the issue-if they do happen to have a slow period, and give real world advice. 
Here's a secret though-these "freebie therapists" also have issues of their own, live in the same real world situations, and struggle too.  However, we still can go from the best wine varietal, to solving a cheating girlfriend issue in 3.3 seconds.
It comes with the job.
The side effect of that is- while we can pour it out all night, we typically don't throw back our own shots-if you catch my meaning.
Metaphorically, of course. We drink. Often.
Keep reading...I'm getting to it. 

Bartenders are intelligent people, more often than not.
Just because we do something that doesn't require a college degree does not make us very wise, worldly, and intelligent folks. So, the advice we give can be surprising and practical.
For instance-
I once had a customer ask me, very matter-of-factly, while sipping on two fingers of neat Laphroaig (his third, I believe) "Do you ever just feel like taking a sharp knife and cutting a perfect hole out of your belly to release the knot that constantly lives there?" 
His question was clearly attention seeking and meant as shock value, but-I knew it was also serious. He was often a sad sack and worried me more than he should have about the state of his mental health. 
So, when I quickly answered:
"No. But, it's medieval. They used to do that often to let out the "ghosts" code for all of the bad stuff, sometimes pain needs an outlet." 
He stammered back-
"How did you know that?"

I just shrugged and walked away to fill another patron. 

He was stunned because he was looking for the usual reassurance and the expected-
"Aww...poor guy, don't say stuff like that, it gets better" platitude. 
It was rather insulting in my head to know that he was so surprised by this askew answer, as if to say-without saying:
I had no idea you were smart, golly gee! 
But, I'm not going to lie when I tell you that the same customer stopped coming in on my shifts, and began drowning his sorrows to another tender. 
She gave the answers he was seeking and all of the sympathy he could stuff down in the course of three glasses of good scotch whiskey. 

If I'm being very honest-I had felt that way too, many times-but, as a bartender it is not our job to spill our tears into your drinks-

You have plenty of your own to fill a glass. 

Bartenders and service industry people in general suffer as much as a day trader emotionally, and tend to self medicate their issues after every shift, and often-during shifts. 

Let me ask you a question? How many bartenders do you know of, that do not drink?

You probably don't know any.

And if you do, it's rare. OR they are in recovery. And the ones in recovery don't typically stay in the industry because it's too hard and full of temptation to stay in. 
The service industry is littered with available drugs of the legal and illegal variety and of course because it is a place where people drink the alcohol-there's that too. This becomes the coping mechanism for the insanity of the job, the vampire lifestyle, the dysfunction and the hard-tack culture of the entire industry.
Sorry. It's a truth beyond contestation.
***I consider myself an expert on this because I literally grew up on the inside and became a grunt, myself. And while I also consider myself a "unicorn" of sorts because I never picked up those same unhealthy habits-other than chain smoking...I have been able to observe the erosion process-first hand. 

Decline, Decline, Decline. Boom goes the dynamite. 

Bartending may seem to some like some outer-worldly glamorous profession. Cause, well, we're like sorcerers and shit. But, it can drain you mentally and physically and take a toll on you in every way.
So-we have come to find the easy solutions to the stress and the drama-a bump, a shot, a pill-what have you. 
It's so easy to fall into that spider web and feel trapped once you do, and when you add into your already personal issues from a needy patron, or two, or three and are expected to give that part of yourself for free....
Well, it can just exacerbate your own problems. 

Challenging doesn't do it justice. It's brutal.  

Don't get me wrong, we like the chit chat. It's why we do what we do. We are people persons-by nature, so we actually do like listening and having worthwhile conversations with our customers. But, there's that assumption that we are in place to guide your hand and talk you down from the proverbial ledge, when often-we are hanging out there with you- in a heavy crosswind with a random bird pecking at our fingertips. 

The other guy already fell...

In the last ten years there has been an upswing in the importance of mental health in this country. This was catapulted by the goofy gun club aficionados practicing their second amendment rights by shooting up schools.
And so not to downplay or make light of that very thing-I'll qualify by saying, it wasn't ever supposed to be this way.
It just is. 
Sadly, it had to happen, to actually shed a light on the lack of mental health assistance in this country and really, the entire first world. 

Bartenders have the big three percentage-wise

1. One of the highest rates of divorce

2. One of the highest rates of manic depression

And

3. We're in the top twenty career-wise of people who commit suicide, either with drugs and alcohol, or by other means. 

Take that in for a second. 

The most unstable folks in the world are the people you are asking for mental health advice. You have inadvertently become borderline personality energy vampires just by asking us to pat your head and tell you that it is all going to be alright-in a practical or sympathetic way. 

One shot of Patron-AH AH AH

Two shots of Patron-AH AH AH

THREE shots of Patron-AH AH AH

And people question why on our precious time off we spend it on the other side of the bar...Well, Bob's yer Uncle, and here's your sign. 

Duh.

Some states have pushed to require a bartender to take suicide prevention classes also.
The blind leading the blind, proverbially. 

However, as I mentioned before we are getting better at this prevention thing on both sides of the rail. There are many programs and not-for-profits who have made it a priority and latched on to helping the helpers.
The self-medication typically never ends, but it's good to know that help is out there when needed, should we choose to take it. 

Here's a few of them-just in case:

1. Healthy Hospo 

Healthy Hospo is an organization backed by service industry veterans that aims to provide mental health support, advice and information to individuals and businesses within the global hospitality community through various partnerships and initiatives.  

2. Me, Myself in Mind 

London chef Merly Kammerling is a certified therapist and mindfulness expert who founded Me, Myself in Mind in 2018. It provides a variety of classes focusing on topics like stress management, mental health awareness and self-care. The goal is to identify stress as a primary issue within hospitality and provide education around how to minimize it in our everyday lives. 

4. Mind the Bar 

Mind the Bar caters to industry professionals experiencing “thoughts of suicide, depression, anxiety and workplace harassment” and its aftermath. Founded by restaurateur and former bartender Shoel Davidson, the organization functions as a mental health network for the local hospitality community (not just bartenders), offering support for those dealing with addiction, anxiety, depression, harassment and all of the mental health struggles that come accompany these issues.

5. Restaurant Recovery 

Restaurant Recovery is a safe and judgment-free space for the local hospitality community to turn to for conversations around recovery of all kinds. This organization, founded by Shaaren Pine and backed by industry legends like Jack McGarry of New York City’s BlackTail and The Dead Rabbit, specifically addresses the vast lack of health insurance among industry professionals 

So, the next time you are having a crisis, dilemma, or breakdown-and Uber to your nearest watering hole to drown out the "ghosts" to possibly end the idea of carving a large, gaping, hole in your fupa-remember to be kind, be gentle, TIP LARGE, and care about those folks just as much as they seem to care for you. Because us empaths-we DO care, and we try every day and absorb your feelings like a sponge.
But every now and again, we need a little wring out ourselves-

Before we start to smell, and sprout things.

And no one likes a bloated, moist, smelly bartender. 

You can grow chia seeds on a sponge. 

That's a thing you know now, You're welcome

We listen, we engage, and we hope to help you-even if just a little, but trust me when I say we need a little love and encouragement too. 

"There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream.” 

~ Raymond Chandler

We scream internally, and then do a shot. 

Cheers. 

XOXO, 

T