SO YOU SAY YOU WANT TO OPEN A REASTAURANT. OKAY THEN. EXCERPT.

 What OWNERSHIP is: Coming in (at the butt crack of dawn, four hours prior to opening) Cleaning, prepping, book work, staffing, more cleaning, more prepping, inventory, intake, stocking, shelving, more cleaning.

THEN-working the actual lunch shift.
Then, restocking for the evening, cleaning, more prepping, more staffing, resetting, maybe (if you are lucky) a 15-minute standing lunch break, and change of clothes, and cigarette-usually drags come between bites of a dead sandwich that Karen demanded had too much mustard. 
THEN-working the actual dinner shift.
Then cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning. Headache sets in. Book work with a headache, money counting, checking staff for their work and cleaning, and then closing the door and turning off the neons. You pour yourself a glass of red, and sit down-finally, and you are there until the wee hours balancing, setting up cash for the next day, cleaning the bathrooms, maybe eating dinner at 1am, and crying in your wine...saying to self: I'm obviously a masochist, why did I do this?

You get, maybe four good hours of sleep, and get up and do it again in an endless loop. 

Here's the rub: at the end of the day, you needed to make over 5k to hit overhead (it's a small-ish place) but your balance shows 3k. So now, it's time to juggle, and worry, and stress constantly about how far up your ass you'll need to reach to make payroll, and-shit, your walk-in cooler just started making a weird noise-what if it goes out? The beer guy will not deliver without cash in hand and your bill adds up to more than you made this week. So now, you have to 86 the new varietal you just ordered and advertised about.
Additionally, you just spent a grand on that social media campaign-and that bill is due also. Oh shit, I ALMOST forgot the LLC dues that are paid YEARLY, and the music unions that want somewhere around a grand for EACH one-YEARLY, also. 
If you want ANY music in your joint...you gotta pay the extortionists. 
Fuck. My. Life. 

It's all piling up on you and there is NO way free of it-for AT THE VERY LEAST-5-10 years. No profit, and very little pay. Thankless, sweaty, constant motion, and NO REST FOR THE WICKED. 

And all of this-because "I'm a good cook...piece of cake"

Or maybe you aren't even a good cook...just some idiot college boy who graduated from business school and decided a business model for a restaurant was the easiest and most efficient way to get rich. 

(Hold on a minute, I'm laughing hysterically at what I just typed) 

Whew. Okay, on we trudge. 

I'm sure you have heard this stat before, but let me refresh your memory:

The National Restaurant Association estimates that a 30% failure rate is the norm in the U.S. restaurant industry, and 60% of restaurants do not make it past the first year and 80% go under within five years. 
Even those people with a bunch of spendage at the outset. 

Success in a restaurant is a gamble for ANYONE. Yes. ALL. EVERYONE. It does not matter what your experience level is, how well you think you are doing, how well you cook etc...you can literally hire the best Michelin Starred chef in the country and not make it work. 
There is a ridiculously fragile balance in the industry and the ebb and flow of business makes all of the decisions.
Also, in our internet age and widely available spoon feeding of information on the minute, one slight error, one tiny mistake, any transgression can make the sheeple public run away in droves. Bad news travels at the speed of light-by fiber optics, or mouth. So, you better have the cash to reinvent yourself if this happens, or you are likely as sunk as the HMS Titanic-and the iceberg is full of Karens and Kevins-so, secure the lifeboats. 

Oh Karen, you bitch.

Before you ask, no-I don't have the formula, either. 
Yes, I owned a place myself. We closed after a year. But, we closed at a profit-not willing to go into debt. We paid everything in cash-were looking ahead at a huge rent hike for the leased space, the slow season, and payroll-was not going to happen. We cut our losses, took a little away after liquidating expenses, and ran. 
Here's where mine and my husband's experience DID come into play. We knew, in advance, the writing on the wall. We had no illusions beforehand, and no expectations because of what we already understood. This is where most people screw the pooch. They take out additional loans to carry on, or jump into a credit game with distributors and such-thinking that it could all be made up in the next busy cycle.
Pro tip: It never does. 
Once you get behind, you stay that way. 
The other massive mistake that people make that buries them early is this: Staffing. Overstaffing to be exact. 
Ownership coming and going as they please leaving it to be run by "trusted" employees and overpaid managers. 
There's no formula, as I said-but there is such a thing as fucking common sense. Which says: shoestring it. EVERYTIME...for a LONG TIME. YEARS. 

You, as the owner/proprietor-must EXPECT to be there-ALWAYS. Put a couch in your office-you'll need it. Period. 
If you don't, you will be one of three things:

Screwed, screwed hard, and lastly- properly screwed hard. 

So, if your idea is that you will open a restaurant on a foundation of idealism, you are going to be broke and sad, with a sore behind, all within one year. 

This industry is all about the REALISM. Don't kid yourself, otherwise. 

You think that your office job is too hard, too stressful, too boring, not your passion, blah blah blah-all of the above, and then you think that opening a restaurant is easier, less stressful, etc. It might be more exciting-sure, but so is staring down a bull wearing a red sash on your waist-be very careful how much excitement you wish for, compadre. 

Of these three people who are still wishing to open a place, I hope that they vet their ideas past others who have done it. And even then, I hope they take the advice of-be careful. BE VERY CAREFUL and for the love of God, protect yourself. 
You worked hard for what you have-don't toss it down the drain for what you might believe is "your passion". 

Here's another thing to ponder, also-

If you are soft-hearted, wide eyed, or naive in any way-you are going to have a bad time. 
You have to be able to stand up and say the things. 

Things like:
Fuck you, ad sales people, go away-your ROI sucks. 
Fuck you, food sales people, your produce was taken from the neighboring Chinese buffet dumpster. 
Fuck you, liquor sales people, I don't need your dusties.
Fuck you, vacations. 
Fuck you, sleep. 
Fuck you, life of any kind outside of these brick and mortar walls. 

But say to the customer-every time-Yes ma'am, right away ma'am. It's my pleasure. EVEN when you want to tell her to take a long walk off of a short pier. 

Can you do this? Do you have the balls, the stamina, the common sense, the abandonment of all hope-ye who enter here? 

Because if you don't-DON'T do it. 

LAST PRO TIP: Everyone on the planet is going to try to tell you how to run your place, what to have on the menu, how to advertise, what drink specials to run, what decor to use, what clientele you want...etc...

At the end of the day, don't listen to them. Do your thing. 

Just stay practical, frugal, on a shoestring, and BE THERE-ALWAYS. Don't ever, ever, ever, depend on anyone else completely to run your place. Keep an eye on every dime, lock every cooler at night and only give one key away to your partner. Accountability is the word of the day. pay for your own meals-ALWAYS. Set a good example and LEAD by example. Meaning...don't get drunk with your employees, or around your customers at ALL. Don't let your employees hang out. Shift drink-ONE, then out the door. Also-make them pay for food. Give them a discount, sure...but no freebies. EVERY PENNY. EVERY PENNY. SAY IT AGAIN-EVERY PENNY COUNTS~! 

If you DO take this path-you better pray, or meditate, or sell your soul to the debil. Because that might be the only way you'll make it. 
And make no mistake-it is NOT easier than any other career. In fact, it is, without a doubt, harder and more soul sucking than what you are doing now. 

There are some of us who know this, and even so, love it. We are, as stated above, something like insane. We thrive on the juju. We were made for it. But, we also have no illusions of making money at it. 
We are just quirky that way. 

Or...we might be just as dumb as the person who makes great thumbprints and wears her apron non-ironically-we're not entirely sure. 

The point is-you better be like us, or you can depend on breaking your neck when you take that leap of faith. 

I'm praying for you. 

XOXO, 

The Queen Bee.